i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
