Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
