I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
