I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i came on her dog
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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