there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
