i already hear my dad disowning me
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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