So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
