my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
