Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
