She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
