you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
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Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
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I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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