She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
