Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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