She is in my trunk
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
