Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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