oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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