And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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