I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
