i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
