xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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