I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
