From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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