Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
