But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
