you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
