We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
