what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
