Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
