There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
