I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
