There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
