she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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