How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
