Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
