So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
