Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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