Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
