Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
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Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
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He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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