I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
