Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
