I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
