yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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