i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
