Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
