it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
