Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
