are you so shy because you have an std?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
