yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I puked a lego.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
