So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
