All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
