Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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