hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
