dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
