i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
How's work?
Spinning.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
