I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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