Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
