atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
