the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
