There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
