i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I want a musical about memes.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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