Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
