so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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