Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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