update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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