So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
