I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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