i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
