She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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