dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
