its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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