Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
