4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
