normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
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