how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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